Satire: MHS parking lot

As the leaves become vibrant hues of oranges, yellows and reds, MHS’s favorite fall pastime is ready to kickoff. It’s the start of the October long weekend and therefore a wonderful day for the Annual MHS Parking Lot Games.

Since 1993, students have been brawling it out on the hot MHS asphalt. The sport has long enjoyed the greatest number of student participation, mostly due to the fact that every student who drives is forced to participate. It truly is a sight to see hundreds of high schoolers grinding out their smartest, and not to mention safest, driving techniques.

The sport has one rule: Get out. Alive. It is separated into two main events: the 800 meter dash and the Escape.

The 800 meter dash is an event that tests the survival instincts of students as they make their way to their cars.

Alicia Tipton, freshman, participated in the 800 meter dash, mostly without her knowledge. The unsuspecting newbie was only hit once and was crowned the 2015 dash champion.

On the other hand, self-proclaimed driving professional John Summers, senior, participated in the Escape this year.

“I watched all seven Fast and Furious movies, the entire Mad Max franchise, two Cars movies, and the 2008 version of Speed Racer just to prepare for this year’s Games,” Summers said.

Despite the fact that the movies Summers has listed combine for a total run time of over 26 hours, he claims to have completed his movie marathon in just under a day.

Car movies didn’t just help Summers get ready for this year’s games. They also helped him get him get his license.

“Funny thing- I never actually practiced driving,” Summers said. “ I didn’t even have to drive during the test. I just bribed the DMV proctor with a copy of Herbie Fully Loaded, and he passed me.

True to his word, Summers excelled in this year’s games. With stellar dexterity, he was able to make it out of MHS in 38 seconds, while simultaneously honking and flipping off every face in sight.

“It truly is a wonderful world,” Summers said.